Dear Brentford,

I am not sure what we’ve done to upset you. 

I always thought we had a good thing going, but the last month has made me question our relationship. 

Loved your gifts, guess I kind of thought they were for the long term, didn’t realise you were going to take them back {pause} without warning.   

Then I get text telling me you’ve given one of the gifts to some burnt out, back water twat in Buckinghamshire. I’m not sure why you’d want to devalue something so much.

I’m not going to dwell on your duplicity and am already moving on, I’ve been in touch with Bristol City (slightly worried about their intentions), Chelsea (they’re a bit slow in getting back) and Cambridge, (it was late, I was a little drunk) 

So long and I hope you’re happy with the choices you’ve made.